


Chilling

by MrsSonBreigh



Series: KakaVege Week January 2018 [9]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Character Death, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Heroin, Loss, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Suicide, Suicide Notes, drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:09:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsSonBreigh/pseuds/MrsSonBreigh
Summary: Goku didn't know about Vegeta's heroin addiction until it was too late.





	Chilling

**Author's Note:**

> For KakaVege week!  
> January 2, Drugs/Mind Control

It was sickening, the thought of my best friend doing that to himself. I couldn’t get near a needle even if I had to, but there Vegeta was, sticking himself almost every day and ruining himself.

My first clue was when he came to spar, but he definitely wasn’t all there. He seemed tired, like he had pulled a really long night and hadn’t gotten any rest, and he looked worse for wear, almost sick. I had asked him what was wrong and tried to test his temperature with the back of my hand, but he flinched away from me like I was going to hit him.

The only thing I picked up was that he was cold. Cold to the touch, like he had sat in the tundras for a bit before visiting. I told him to go home and rest up, I refused to fight him in that state, it would be unfair.

He left with a grumble, making obscene gesticulations as he flew off.

After a day or so, I went over to Capsule Corp. to see how he was holding up. I walked in, knowing that I was welcome, and Bulma greeted me with a warm hug.

“Goku! This is unexpected, how are you?” 

I patted her back, pulling away, “I came to check on ‘Geta. How is he?”

She cocked a brow, “He’s been fine, he should be in the GR, that’s where I last saw him head off, anyway.”

“Alright, thanks, Bulma!” I ran off, back out the door and to the large sphere sitting in the yard. I knocked on the door, but he didn’t answer. I could feel his energy, he didn’t seem to be doing anything.

I floated up to the tinted circular window, cupping my face to look in.

What I saw horrified me. There he was, slouched against the center pillar, with a band around his bicep and a small needle sticking out of his arm. My blood went cold and I panicked. What was he doing? I tapped hard on the window, nearly cracking it, but he didn’t do anything. He just kept pushing the plunger down ever so slowly.

I rushed over to the entrance, banging on it hard, leaving deep dents. With a growl I dug my fingers under the hinges and ripped the door clean off, exposing the even sicker looking Vegeta on the floor.

I rushed to him, trying my best to avoid looking at the needle, “Vegeta! What are you doing?!”

He looked up to me, and I stepped back, his pupils were mere pinpricks in the dark brown of his eyes. Frankly, he looked terrifying. I furrowed my brow and stepped back toward him, trying my best dad voice, “Vegeta, stop.”

He frowned at me and pressed the plunger fully down, emptying the needle into his arm before pulling it out and removing the band.

He tossed them to the floor, no regard for safety or anything.

“Nice to see you as well, Kakarot,” He spoke slow, but he never tripped over his words. Paired with those eyes, it sent goosebumps all up my arms. He breathed slow and heavy like he was trying to go into meditation. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“I would appreciate it if you left, though. You’ve interrupted my training.”

I crossed my arms, glancing at the needle on the floor, “Training!? I’ve never seen training like that. Why are you hurting yourself?”

Vegeta chuckled, rubbing the inside of his arm, “It doesn’t hurt, Kakarot. If anything, it feels amazing.”

I shook my head back and forth as fast as I could, “No! Vegeta, stop! You’re scaring me.” I tried to rub the goosebumps away, but they never settled. 

“My apologies, Kakarot. But really, if you’d leave? And prop the door back up on your way out, the light’s giving me a headache.”

My mouth quivered. I had no idea what to do. If I left, he might hurt himself again, but if I stayed, he’d get mad at me. I was stuck.

“Why?”

He looked up at me, “Why what?”

“Why do you put needles in yourself? Needles hurt and they’re pokey. What’s even in them, anyway?”

He shook his head a bit and leaned into the pillar, “You’re far too innocent for your own good, Kakarot. Leave. I don’t wish to taint you.”

I felt my heart quicken, “Vegeta! Stop it! I don’t know what’s going on!” I crouched down and laced my fingers in my hair, pulling hard to maybe bring me back to reality where Vegeta acted like his old self and everything made sense.

“Kakarot?”

I only whined, unable to keep the panic from creeping into the corners of my eyes.

“Do you have any idea what Frieza did to me?”

I shook my head, clenching my eyes shut so the tears didn’t escape.

“I’ll spare you the details, but he hurt me. He hurt me more than anyone ever could. Even you,” He trailed off just enough that I had to force myself to look up, “And you’ve hurt me a lot, too… My life has only been pain. Pain, rejection, disappointment, and shame. You have not a single clue what it’s like to be me.”

His mouth still sounded sticky, like he had just woken up and his voice was still asleep.

“What did I do to you, Vegeta?” I tried to keep my voice calm, but it didn’t work.

He shook his head, “That’s not important now. All I’m trying to say is that no matter what I tell you, you’ll never fully understand the weight of the things I’ve gone through,” He gestured to the needle behind him, “That’s my way of dealing with it. And if I can keep you away from it I will. So please, Kakarot, leave me be.”

I sat down fully, my body in too much shock to hold itself up anymore, “So you’re just gonna hurt yourself? Why won’t you let us help you? We care about you a lot, Vegeta! You’re part of the family,” I rubbed at my stinging eyes, “I didn’t know you were in so much pain, I’m sorry… I-I don’t know what to do…”

He closed his eyes, “There’s nothing to do, Kakarot. Leave me be, it’ll be okay.” His head bobbed up and down like he was fighting off sleep.

I grimaced, knowing that I wouldn’t win today’s argument, “At least let me take you to your bed. You don’t look in any condition to be walking around.”

He pinched his eyes open and glared at me, “I can find my own room, idiot.”

I sucked at my teeth, “I know, but I’m worried about you. Please?”

He shook his head, lolling off again, “Whatever, Kakarot.”

I took that as a yes and advanced on him again, coming to his side to lift his knees and shoulders up to carry him outside. He didn’t fight the contact like I expected, but somehow that wasn’t comforting.

Outside, finally, he grimaced and buried his head into my shirt, the light seeming to bother him quite a bit. To save him the pain I made my way inside quickly, pushing past the front door. I didn’t see Bulma, thankfully, and I went up the left stairs, passing a few doors before pushing the fourth one open with my foot.

Vegeta’s room was always clean, from everything I saw when I’d come to his window and ask him to spar with me. He was neat and organized.

At least, he _was_.

Everything was thrown about, clothes strewn all over the floor and shoved into drawers, unfolded and hanging out sloppily. I ignored the few needles that sat on his dresser and nightstand, stepped over the clothes, and set him down on his dark bedsheets.

He hummed at me, and I figured it as a thank you. He turned over, his back facing me, and shuddered.

“Are you cold?”

He nodded a bit and I left the room, going to the linen closet for an extra duvet. 

Upon coming back in, I saw he was in a completely different position, sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.

I felt my heart pang and moved to drape the blanket over his shoulders. He thanked me quietly and pulled the edges around himself, only letting his head poke out. I nodded to myself and silently made my way to leave, but he whispered my name.

“What is it?” I turned back, watching his back with concern.

“This is going to sound really stupid, Kakarot, but… Can you stay? I ju-”

“Of course.”

He turned his head over to me, all the lines in his forehead pronounced by his confusion, “You will?”

I nodded, “I’m worried about you as it is, if you want me to stay, I will,” I go back over to his bed and sit on the edge with him, propping my feet on the frame to hug my knees to my chest, “I’m really worried about you, Vegeta. You haven’t been yourself lately.”

He shook his head, adjusting himself to lay back down, “I know, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you worry, but… It’s…” He trails off. I wait for him to finish his thought.

“It’s just something that no one can fix. Heroin is… the only way to take myself away from all the shit that bothers me every day. I’ve tried meditation, hypnosis, everything… Nothing works like that.”

“What’s heroin?” I scooted myself to sit next to him, but not laying down. He laughed dryly.

“You don’t want to know, Kakarot. All I can bear to tell you is that I want you to stay far away from it. You’re too good to have to deal with that sort of thing.”

I furrowed my brow, “Then why don’t you stay away from it? You’re good too, you know?”

He shook his head, “Telling me to stay away from it is like telling you to stop fighting. Or eating. It’s not something I can just stop.”

I slouched my shoulders, “I hate seeing you like this.”

“I’m sorry.”

He seemed to be apologizing a lot more than usual. While in different circumstances that would be a good thing, at the moment it only scared me more. 

I paused, “Why do you want me to stay?”

He kind of chuckled before turning to me, propping his head up on a hand, “Well, I’m cold. And you’re not.”

“What? Do you want me to cuddle with you or something?”

He fell silent, and I shook my head. I took an edge of the blanket and pulled it over myself, then wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him against me.

“Better?”

He nodded and tucked his head into my chest. He really didn’t seem well. I took my other arm to put under his neck and ran my fingers through his hair. 

After a few silent minutes of donating my body heat, he shifted a bit.

“Can you… Not tell the woman about this? I didn’t want anyone to know, especially you… But I’m not sure what she’d do if she found out.”

I nodded my head, “Whatever will make you happy, ‘Geta.” 

“It will.”

I chewed on my lip, starting to get comfortable with Vegeta all pressed against me like that, “How long?”

He took a second to answer, “A long time. Since before I came to Earth, but… It’s gotten a lot worse in the last few months. I’m a complete mess,”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. That was over twenty years ago. The thought scared me and I held him tighter to my chest, breath shaky.

“I hid it well, really. I’m kind of proud of that… But addiction does nasty things to people, Kakarot. Even if I wanted to stop I couldn’t.”

“Do you want to?”

The question carried more weight than I had intended, and he took a minute to respond, “Yes. I want to stop. But not for my sake.”

“I don’t understand.”

He sighed, words coming even slower, “I wouldn’t want to quit for myself. I’d want to do it for you, though.”

I closed my eyes and rested my head on top of his, feeling his hot breath puff against my neck gently, “Why me?”

He chuckled, the deep voice shaking both of us a bit, “I can’t tell you that, yet. You’ll know soon though. Real soon.”

“Promise?” As soon as the question left my mouth I felt silly. Vegeta wasn’t going to promise me anything, he never did that for anyone.

“I promise.”

For some reason, I felt myself choking up. I didn’t let the tears come back, though. I just hummed in response and held him, trying to touch as much of his skin as I could to keep him warm.

He fell asleep in my arms, his breath finally evening out into a shallow, but consistent pant. I dared not move, I didn’t want to wake him up. He seemed to be sleeping soundly, and for some reason, I felt like he hadn’t slept good in a really long time. 

A soft knock came at the door, Bulma peeking her head in just a bit. She hesitated a bit at seeing Vegeta asleep in my arms, but I gave her a thumbs up, silently telling her that everything’s okay.

I hate lying.

She gave me a strange look, but nodded and backed out of the room, quietly clicking the door closed. 

I laid with Vegeta for a few hours, dozing off myself a few times, but I never really got restful sleep because I was too worried about snoring or moving and waking him up. He was out cold the whole time though, visibly going through a few dreams before moving around and flipping over, out of my grasp and into the opposite side of the bed.

I considered leaving and going home, but he insisted that I stay, and I’m not sure if he’d be happy If I just left him like this without at least saying goodbye.

I decide to go down to the kitchen, I won’t wake him up there _and_ I can eat.

Thankfully I didn’t run into Bulma, and she wasn’t in the kitchen, so I’d be avoiding the tirade of questions for the time being.

I helped myself to some food, dug around in the pantry for a bit until I had a handsome stack to munch on.

I busied myself with eating and just as I was finishing up, Vegeta came down the stairs. He was a little wobbly, but awake nonetheless. He looked a bit better, the black circles around his eyes had lightened a touch and instead of his face looking ghostly, he had a little flush. But that was probably just a side effect of sleep.

“You’re still here.”

It was less of a question and more of a confirmation. I nodded my head, “Yeah, I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye first, but I really didn’t want to wake you up, so here I am.”

He came across the kitchen and sat down across from me, “That means a lot.”

I shrugged, “It’s not really a big deal, Vegeta. I just want to make sure you’re okay and you don’t need anything before I go.”

He shook his head, “I don’t need anything, but it’s still touching that you would take hours from your day to look after me.”

“I spend hours of my day sparring you, there’s no difference.”

He nodded and kept quiet. 

 

Over the few days after that, I checked in on Vegeta all the time. He seemed to be doing well, I only caught him with a needle one time. And even though he was in the middle of pushing the drug in, he stopped and apologized, moving it out of sight until I was gone.

My phone rang.

We still had just a landline in the house, and I picked up pretty quickly, but I couldn’t even tell what was happening until I heard Bulma bite her tears back and yell.

“Goku! Is that you?!” He started to sob again, nearly yelling. I had to hold the phone away from my face.

“Bulma? What’s going on, are you okay?”

“No! Goku, it’s Vegeta!”

I didn’t let her finish before I dropped the phone and transmitted right to her, blind panic already seeping into every one of my veins. I grabbed Bulma by the shoulders, “WHERE IS HE!?” 

“In his room! I-I don’t know what to do!”

I flew up the stairs, not bothering to use my feet. My heart dropped when I couldn’t feel his energy anywhere. Not in his room, not in the GR, nowhere.

I burst into his room, my blood running ice. He laid there, in the middle of his bed, as if he had just gone to sleep. But he wasn’t there, his ki was gone, and so was he. 

I managed to carry myself all the way to the side of his bed before collapsing onto my knees, already crying hysterically. His arms laid above the blanket, the tips of his fingers a faint blue color. I couldn’t even feel his energy in Otherworld, no matter how far I pushed it, he wasn’t there. The universe felt incredibly vacant, without him there.

“The dragon balls…” I choked out, hardly making it past the burning lump in my throat.

Out of the corner of my eye, Bulma shook her head, lips quivering, “No… He can’t come back anymore, remember…? He’s gone, Goku.” She ran off, scream crying into her hands.

I went to pick up his hand, and it was stiff and cold, not a single shred of life left in it. I blinked away tears and looked at his face.

He looked much worse than he had in the last few days, his cheeks were sunken in, they held no color, and blue-green veins began to crawl up his neck and invade his face. It was too hard to look at.

I got up, knees shaking, tears silently pouring down my face and neck to stain my shirt, and looked around his room. 

I hadn’t noticed when I was rushing, but his room was clean. Sterile, even. All the clothes were put away, the needles had disappeared to somewhere unknown, save a single empty one on his nightstand, that was paired with the dark blue band he would use to bind his arm.

There was a lone envelope resting on the top of his dresser, and looking down on it, I saw my Saiyan name scrawled shakily on the top. 

With trembling hands I reached out for it, feeling it’s weight. I slipped it in the front of my gi to read later.

 

The rest of the next few hours were a blur. An ambulance came and confirmed Vegeta’s death to be just a few hours after I had seen him last. There was a weird weight in my chest the whole time like if I had let my guard down for even a second, the whole universe would collapse on top of me and I would suffocate. 

They carted him off in a body bag, and, despite being completely distraught, it made me laugh a little. He would’ve thrown a fit if he knew that this process would be so human.

After sitting in silence with Bulma for a few hours, she told me to go home and rest, that she would call everyone and let them know. I nodded to her as I flew off toward home, the dry salty skin of my cheeks wetting again as the wind howled in my ears.

I came into an empty house. Chichi was shopping and Goten was over at Gohan's place.

I sighed and sat in my recliner, rubbing my face down before reaching into my gi and taking out the envelope I had found in Vegeta’s room.

I opened the unsealed flap, pulling out a few pages of lined paper. His handwriting was shaky and uneven, trailing off in strange spots. The opening made the weight in my chest shatter, and I started bawling all over again.

 

Dearest Kakarot,

First, I have to apologize. I didn’t want to leave you like this, but I didn’t have a choice. I was dying too fast to do anything about it. I was suffering, and I hope you forgive me one day for that.  
If you’re reading this then I no longer exist. I’m dead and gone, probably buried in the dirt in some casket in the middle of nowhere surrounded by other corpses.  
I didn’t forget about my promise, though, and I intend to keep it.   
Kakarot, I would have quit for you if I could, but I couldn’t, and I’m sorry. But, in truth, I would’ve done it for you because I loved you, and if my soul still existed, I’m certain I still would. From the moment you spared me, the second you stopped Krillin from killing me, I loved you. I loved you because you were merciful. You had the capability to care for someone like me enough to save my life. It meant a lot, so thank you.  
But, Kakarot… Goku… You were the last thing on my mind before it went dead. I loved you with every fiber of my body, and you never saw even a glimpse of it until a week ago.  
I let go because I knew staying here would only hurt you. It would only strip you of your innocence and make you bitter, just as I was. And the last thing I wanted was for you to turn out like me.   
You were perfect, in every sense of the word. You made me want to sing, literally, when no one was home just because I didn’t know any other way to get the disgusting love out of my body. Even though you never noticed my love, it felt wonderful to lay with you that day. I felt loved, even though I knew you didn’t see me like that.   
I didn’t die because of you. It’s not your fault. I made the choice.  
Being around you hurt, but only because I knew I couldn’t have you. We were both married with children, our families wouldn’t have stayed the same. And all of me wishes I came just a few years sooner, took you away when you didn’t care… Maybe we could’ve had a life together.  
My point is, everything was my fault. So when I stuck that last needle in with heroin four times more potent than normal, I knew I was going to die.   
Kakarot, please forgive me. I’m sorry. I know I’ll never get the chance to miss you because I’ll be gone… But I know that you’ll probably grieve my absence just like you would with any of your friends.   
I’m glad I was your friend. You were mine, I know that.   
I admired everything about you. You were more than just strong. You were compassionate and empathetic. You cared about me even after I killed your friends, threatened your world, and broke all of your bones. I’ll never understand why you didn’t hate me.  
But you didn’t.  
And that’s what I cared about.   
I don’t regret leaving, but, God, I wish it wasn’t my only choice. I would’ve happily stayed in emotional hell forever just to look at you one more time…  
Kakarot, you are beautiful. Absolutely stunning. And not just physically. Your spirit is so healthy and full of life that even from the dark crevasses of my mind I could feel it’s vibrancy. You’re a beautiful person, Kakarot. You are. You’re wonderful.  
I love you. I love you. I always will.  
I’m so sorry.  
Goodbye.

-Vegeta

**Author's Note:**

> I hated writing this so much.


End file.
